The Writer’s Paradox

The Writer’s Paradox

Thank goodness for the online writing community. If I didn’t have a chorus of fellow writers echoing my gripes, I would think I was a lunatic. Why is it so common that, for those who love writing, writing is so damn difficult? (I know this isn’t true for all of us, but for the subset who share my very frustrating struggle, I hope you find some comfort in this commiseration)

I think about stories all day. At work, driving, in the shower, when I lie in bed at night. I hear them in song lyrics. When I write or read something, I immediately want to create something like it. I get so excited, I want to rush of and create something! So why is the actual act of putting pen to paper so difficult? I feel like I’m physically pulling the words from me, one at time. And they’re painfully stuck. I’ve tried to figure out exactly why this is, why I’m like this. Best I can figure from listening to others complain of a similar problem is the propensity for perfection and a fear of failure. I know that my first draft of something is going to be garbled nonsense at best, especially compared to the scenes in my noggin. Like, of course I understand that. It’s logical. It’s obvious. But in the moment, I can’t make that logic work for me. I can feel how overwhelmed I am when I write, trying to get it right the first time even though I know it’s impossible, even though I know I have all the time in the world to sit back and edit, and polish, and revise it into something I love. But since my dumbo brain won’t cooperate with this knowledge, I’ve tried to find ways to trick it. I’ve made a writing space with candles, and bobbles, and soft music, and nice pens. I break big goals into tiny ones. And it really works! Once I sit down and settle in and get over that initial block, I can get a good amount of writing in. Writing I don’t hate, even!

So now my biggest obstacle is getting my dang butt in the dang chair. I start to visualize that blank page waiting for me at night and I find every reason to avoid sitting down and doing the damn thing. So, to help me this NaNoWriMo, I’ve come up with a new gimmick. I’ve always been interested in tarot. I’m not really into any of the spiritual aspect of it, (or anything if I’m being honest- no disrespect intended for anyone that is) but I really like the idea of it as a tool for introspection and journaling. I was thinking of starting to keep a tarot journal at my desk, something fun and easy I can look forward to sitting down and doing in at the end of the day. It will serve (I hope) as a clever excuse to get myself settled into my writing space. Then once I’m done with a journal entry, I’ll be ready to write! If I tell myself I just need to get a few pages down, I know what will happen. When the pressure if off, the buildup gone, I usually get way more written then I’m expecting. I know this must make me seem like a 100% complete psychopath but I’m hoping that any other writers who have my unfortunate neurocies can take some inspiration from me. Or at least some comfort in knowing you’re not crazy and you’re not alone.

I hope everyone is having a low stress and fun November, whether it be productive or not. If anyone has any of their own little tips and tricks PLEASE add them in the comments. Please. XD

Countdown to NaNoWriMo (Don’t Panic)

Countdown to NaNoWriMo (Don’t Panic)

Three days till NaNoWriMo. Not gonna lie- I’m not ready!

I was supposed to have my cosplay for Daisho-con wrapped up before NaNo started so I wouldn’t be trying to juggle both, but I haven’t had as much time to craft as I was hoping. I’m building Sesshomaru this year and I’d say I’m about 50% of the way there. I have a kimono, pants, and wig all purchased. I have the tail/pelt thingy half-way done, hoping to finish it tonight. I have fabric for the sash. But I haven’t even started on the big piece I’ve been dreading – the chest armor. Hopefully I can rope my boyfriend into helping me out (he’s great with foam) and chip away at it. If I can get that riddle solved, all I really need to do is pick up some colored eyeliner and thrift a simple pair of black boots. I’m trying not to stress about it. I keep reminding myself that it’s just a fun little hobby and if it doesn’t turn out, no big deal. But I’m a perfectionist in all things, whether they be serious of purely recreational. Someday I’ll figure out how to dial my dang broken brain back.

Beyond Sessho, all I need to do is just a couple (supposedly) quick upgrades to Garfield the Deals Warlock and I should be all set. I’m also bringing Haruko (FLCL) and she doesn’t need any work, thank gawd.

The larger problem is that since I’m behind on crafting, I also haven’t been able to prep and plot as much I would have liked. At least I have the benefit of having already plotted out this project a long time ago. Hopefully as I dig into my old notes I’ll have enough to go off of in the beginning. If I can get a decent momentum going, the blanks should fill themselves in. I already proved to myself with the pitch wars deadline that I can write a ton if I stay focused. 2019 might just be my year.

Once NaNo is over, no matter the outcome, I want to circle back and focus on revising part one. Hopefully with some much needed help from the writing community, I can be in good enough shape to start querying in the New Year. I’ve found a ton of awesome resources through pitch wars that have elevated my writing game to a whole ‘nother level. My understanding of the publishing process has expanded times ten since I entered. (I’ll need to compile a list and post it because these resources need to be shared- wish I had found this stuff a long time ago!)

I’ve been dreaming about writing a book for ages, and it feels like only in these last couple months have I finally buckled down, gotten serious, and made real tangible progress. It’s going to take a little bit of sacrifice to keep this train on the tracks (I’ve already suspended my Warcraft subscription- there’s no time for games!) but it already feels worth it. I’m so excited to see what happens next!