Heeeeeey remember how I said I needed to ease my way back into writing regularly? Weeeeeellll, then I remembered Pitch Wars was a thing…twelve days before the deadline. So I worked nonstop, writing probably over 100 pages worth of edits, rewrites, and hole-filling in order to meet that deadline. I honestly thought there was no possible way I would have it done and presentable in time, but I did it! I gotta admit, I am wicked proud of myself. Not only for submitting to the competition but for actually finishing a book! It’s not perfect by any means; it needs some structural troubleshooting and a ton of shine, but it’s a real & complete story. I’ve never had that before. (and 93,00 words to boot!)
I really don’t believe there’s much of a shot of me being picked since this was such a last minute Hail Mary, but I think the experience is going to be a great one no matter what. I wrote successfully under a tight deadline for the first time. I had my first run-in with query letters, a synopsis, and formatting. I’m making a bunch of new friends on twitter in the writing community. Plus, I finally have a full story to share with my friends and family and get some constructive feedback. I’m a huge step closer to being ready to start an agent search and try to break into the publishing world. This is so unexpected and so exciting that I feel like it’s already a victory no matter the outcome. Still, I won’t lie- I would be over the moon times a thousand to be picked for Pitch Wars. To gain the insight of an industry professional before wading into the querying trenches – how can I even begin to assign a value to something like that?!
So, here goes nothing! Let’s see what happens next.
I started the day by waking up at a quarter to four in tears. I had another dream about my Dad. I was speaking to him on some strange little speaker, and the sound kept going in and out, so much so that I wasn’t sure if he was hearing me. But I loved hearing him. He sounded happy. I’m getting teary-eyed just trying to recount it and I’m heartbroken that the finer details of the dream are already fading away, as dreams always do. When the transmission went out, I tried to call him back and got some strange automated message, something about the recipient having moved on.
I’ll probably never move on. Something I’m sure everyone who’s lost a parent can relate to, young or old. I got out of bed and washed the dishes just for something mindless to do, to settle down before I tried to go back to sleep. On the way back to bed, I stopped in the living room and stood beneath the little black chest that holds his ashes. I stared at the ceiling and wished I could tell him how much I missed him. I had the same old wistful thought- that I should have used the time we had better. I went back to my room and crawled back under the covers. Kitty was right on my heels and curled up next to me, purring. We’ve only had Kitty for a week and already I adore her so much. She’s such a good cat. Such a comfort.
So I’m in a weird head-space today. I feel tired and bleary-eyed and heartsick but on the other hand, the rest of my life is so happy. The summer has finally bloomed, rainy and hot with so many fun things in store. Work is going well. I have a costume half-finished for Renn Faire this weekend and the day off tomorrow to wrap up preparations, which is exciting to me. So strange how life can run such a simultaneous spectrum of sorrow and joy. Guess that’s an obvious observation, but I feel it very acutely today.
Sorry this update is a little weird. Just felt good to write it all out.