Well it’s been a hot minute since I updated the old ramblespace but I wasn’t sure what to even say what with the whole damn world flipping upside down. Betcha didn’t have global pandemic on your 2020 bingo card, didja? I sure didn’t. It’s been one month and six days since I’ve left the house for more than the occasional supply run to the grocery store. I’ve finally settled into something resembling a routine while working from home and only rarely have the fleeting awareness of just how truly bizarre life has become. It comes on suddenly, disorienting and awful, but then it passes.
So let’s breakdown the last month or so into some highs and lows.
Low: Thought that, as an introvert, I was well prepared for a life where I’m forced to stay at home (something I love) and was quickly proven to be mistaken. I miss the occasional night out, the spontaneous adventure or, at the very least, the freedom of the option. I miss my friends. I miss my coworkers. I am sad for my very extroverted partner and feel his frustration acutely. I had a hard time managing my guilt for getting to work from home while he was forced to go back to work and I worry for his health and safety. I worry for my sibling who works at a restaurant. I worry for my grandparents. I worry for my workplace’s ability to function. I just worry a lot and I was already a worrier.
High: I was finally able to get in to see a doctor (digitally, of course) and was prescribed medication for my anxiety. After a rough adjustment period, I feel like it might be starting to work. My mood has stabilized and the anxiety is much easier to manage. I feel like I have more energy. I’m very hopeful! I’m still clenching my jaw a lot but the neck pain I get from stress is gone.
Low: Fizzled out so early in Camp NaNoWriMo as I was overcome with a crushing swell of anxiety and impostor syndrome.
High: Entered RevPit and, regardless of how I do in it, am feeling creatively energized by the writing community and really want to get back into it and try again. (especially now that I’m managing my anxiety so much better)
Low: Now that I’m always home, the feeling that I need to be using my time productively is worse. I have to constantly remind myself that isn’t true.
High: I’ve had time to get some reading done. Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom were so damn good. Instant favorites. The complexity of the story and the characters is as intimating as it is inspiring. They are masterpieces. Highly recommend.
High: Animal crossing is everything. I love it so much.
High: I finally get to fully utilize this amazing workspace.
High: I get to hang out all day with my fat little serotonin factory.
And thank the old gods and the new for Lofi music because right now it is the zen balm on my soul that gets me through each day. Have a listen if it’s your thing.
I sincerely hope that whoever you are, wherever you are, you are healthy and safe. Break the day into pieces and get through it one moment at a time. Be kind to yourself.